March 23rd 2020
Went for a short walk today, and when I mean a short walk, I mean I couldn’t get round the block without getting out of breath. Then Boris Johnson addressed the nation on TV. He says we now have to stay at home, protect the NHS and save lives. I’ve been so poorly with what I think is Covid I can’t do much else. It doesn’t seem that long ago he was playing it all down. How things have changed in such a short space of time. He seems to have lost control of the situation. I take some shots of him on the TV. There’s an unintentionally funny moment at the end of the address where he looks off camera as if he’s waiting for someone to tell him what to do. Later on, Sky News have a helicopter showing the NatWest tower in London. The screen on top of it has a heart with “NHS” written across it. It seems everyone loves the NHS now it’s our last line of defence. Having used it for so long for my asthma, and seen what a mess it’s in already, I doubt it’ll be able to cope.
May 22nd 2020
I dug out my nebuliser today and used it to see if it helped. I feel so desperate right now; the steroids have stabilised my breathing but every time I finish the course I need another one. I feel shattered, bloated, my mind whizzing like the inside of a hoover. I decide to take a photo of me having a nebuliser. I feel like I need to record this, a positive distraction away from the fear I feel. I set the tripod up. Adjusting the aperture, lowering the blind to control the light, setting a preset on the camera to make the editing quicker; taking pictures reminds me of better times. It helps me to fight back to a sense of normality. As the shutter clicks and I review the image I see a strained figure sat on the edge of the bed, family pictures on the wall behind him. I don’t look well. But just making the effort to take the photo has made me feel better.